Who are you? Yes! You, the one you are reading now. I want to know who are you! I don’t want to know your name or your profession or your titles, I want to know who are you. The real you! I invite you in “The World of no masks required”, I want you to accept the challenge of taking off all your masks and starting to know yourself today. I want you to meet the real you! I want you to present me your qualities, your weaknesses, your fears, your dreams, your scars, you..
Most of the times I just hear people speaking about unhappy relationships and they are wondering: why doesn’t work like in the beginning or why that person changed so much? Why? Well, the answer is: what type of mask did they wore when they met that person? Did the person changed or one of their masks felt down and the partner just had the surprise of seeing another person, not the one they expected to see. It sounds familiar? Did you ever think about this? No? Then tell me: what kind of mask do you wear when you ask for a raise of your salary or what type of mask do you put when you ask for a favor or what mask do you wear when somebody hurts you and you can not afford to tell him (her) off and for a change you just smile and pretend everything is fine? You understand now? Why do we wear masks?
Everybody knows Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and his pyramid. He divides the individual needs into five categories and to reach the higher-levels you need to master the basic ones, it doesn’t work the other way around. These are the categories:
- Physiological: breathing, food, water, sleep, homeostasis, sex, excretion
- Safety: security of: body, employment, resources, morality, the family, health, property
- Love (belonging): friendship, family, sexual intimacy
- Esteem: self-esteem, confidence, achievement, respect of others, respect by others
- Self actualization: morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem solving, lack of prejudice, acceptance of facts
Now you might wonder what Maslow is doing here, when we speak about you, in top of that: you unmasked… We are all wearing masks, every day, every half an hour, depends on the situation and our schedule for that day. I mentioned Maslow’s pyramid to explain that we tend to use masks on the second and third level. How? We need a job in order to have a normal life and how we are keeping our job? We agree to wear the masks imposed by the employer, maybe in the beginning just because we need the money and then we continue by wearing them to not lose our jobs. Then we have a strong need of belonging to something, to somebody, to a group, and what we are doing? We wear again masks just to feel we are not alone. You meet a new person and you fall in love, that person tells you that loves ravioli and you want to impress her. What you are doing? You learn how to cook ravioli or you buy them and you pretend that you cooked, in top of that you say that you are an expert in Italian cuisine. What’s next? I let you continue the story…
What’s wrong on wearing masks? After a while is not fun anymore and you start to experience the “secondary effects”: stress, feeling guilty, depression, sadness, you are in a funny mood when you need to go to work, you are feeling trapped sometimes, you realize you have unhappy or unhealthy relationships, your “friends” are turning their back to you, you feel that you don’t recognize yourself anymore and so on. You start to lose your identity, you don’t know who you are anymore…
And what’s the solution? Quit your job and change your friends! I’m joking 🙂 From my point of view you should think about what you like, what talents do you have and what you would really like to do for living and to try to become an expert in what you choose. You also should try to remember that is never to late for doing what you like in life, as long you add some passion and some dedication. Also, you need to focus on what you choose to do and to try to perfect yourself before you think about money. I’m not saying that money is not important, I’m just saying that you should focus on being the best and money it will come eventually. You don’t need to quit your job tomorrow, you just need to find out what you like and start building bit by bit until you can survive from what you choose to do.
You also need to spend more time with yourself, to discover yourself without the masks imposed by society. You need to find out who you really are and what type of persons would you like to have around and to start to searching for persons similar to you. We need to learn to act natural again, without caring what other people might think or that we might lose somebody’s “friendship”. In order to have healthy relationships we need to learn the assertive communication, we need to learn to express our wishes and to respect the other’s people choices too. We can’t change the World and the “need” of wearing masks until we lose our identity, but we can change our little World and we can choose to be free!
I wish you a happy unmasking!