A few days ago I had an interesting conversation, with a special person, about happiness. The conversation had a huge impact on me in that moment and I started being curious what other people really think about happiness. The same person told me that you can’t be happy all the time and what I’m naming happiness is actually being optimistic. It’s that true? You can call it optimistic thinking too, from my point of view, but as long you are realistic, you know your limits and you are with the feet on the ground. The same person told me that your biggest enemy of yourself is you and if you stop competing with yourself you end up being on the same level again and again. We agreed that everyone perceives the happiness differently. I have to thank that person for inspiring me to write this post!
I’m gonna share with you a little moment of my happiness: me, sitting on my terrace and watching the beauty of the sky, the moon, the stars, listening the Moonlight Sonata and just enjoying the moment without thinking about anything and still allowing my mind to think about so many things. Being grateful for what I am and what I have (family, friends, love), being grateful for another lovely day and for adding another baby step on this marathon called life.
Long time ago I had another interesting conversation with one of my best friends and she told me that is not possible to be happy all the time and we shouldn’t suppose to be happy all the time. In that moment somehow I agreed with her because I was still in the pursuit of happiness and I finished thinking that happiness is illusory and expecting happiness actually makes us more unhappy. But I never lost my hope in finding the real meaning of happiness.
Is true that now, in our days, happiness losses its sense and simplicity. Somehow we listen so many times that we have to be happy, then somebody starts to sell us something in order to be happy; we buy it, we put our hope in that product, after a while we discover that we are not happy anymore and we finish by believing that happiness it does not exist, is just a big “shiny” lie. The funny thing is that we keep buying “happiness” and more we buy it more we hate it, ending up buying compulsively “unhappy happiness”.
I’ll tell you something: nobody in this World can make you happy if you are not, nobody can sell you happiness and nobody can teach you happiness! Happiness comes from within! How simple is that?
Happiness is defined as a “state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.” Let’ s take contentment, the easier to achieve conforming with the definition. What is contentment? Is a state of satisfaction. When do you feel satisfied? When you fulfilled a certain desire and you attain pleasure from such a fulfillment. It sounds like buying a new pair of shoes, no?
Well, this is some kind of “fake happiness” if I can call it like that. 🙂
First of all we have a soul, we don’t have only body and mind. It’s not enough to look amazing and to be smart! Where our happiness should be placed? In our soul! There is the deepest part of us as human beings, there is the source of the most powerful feelings. Why would you say then: I love you with all my heart and my soul or something like: from the bottom of my heart? There is the place where nobody can steal it from you, no matter what happens, no matter if it rains or is snowing or if your love left you for the good looking girl next-door or if you lost your job or your neighbor hates you. If the happiness comes from within, this means that is under your control, only you can choose to be happy or not. You don’t need somebody to tell you that you are great to make you happy! If somebody hurts you, doesn’t mean you have to be unhappy. Your happiness doesn’t have to depend on outward circumstances.
But how you can reach happiness?
You can reach happiness by learning to accept. We spoked on the previous post about acceptance, if you remember. We have to accept ourselves, first of all, and the way we accept ourselves we should learn to accept others too. And how you can accept yourself? By getting to know yourself.
We have to get to know ourselves, with our qualities and our weaknesses. We have to be strong enough to take off our masks and to see ourselves the way we are. Nobody’s perfect, we all know that. We need enough courage too look deep inside us and listen all our thoughts, we have to be brave enough to accept our past and our mistakes. When I speak about mistakes you should remember that from mistakes we learn, is normal to be wrong sometimes and you are the only responsible for your mistakes, nobody else. More you put the blame on others, more you’ll suffer in the future. By knowing yourself with your qualities and your weakness you can start to build a happy future, because if you don’t take this big step you’ll end up by advancing two steps in your life and when the things start to get better something slaps you in the face, destroys your balance and you end up by falling three steps instead of two. Is tough enough to lift from the floor again, believe me, but is not impossible.
Do you think that is enough to work 8 hours a day, to spend some time with family and friends, to sit on the couch watching tv because you’re tired or too bored, in the worst scenario I could add some junk food and some beer or wine (when your conscience starts to hit you from behind telling you that another day is gone and you didn’t do something really meaningful for yourself), then to sleep 6 or 8 hours and to start all over again? I forgot to mention that in the break between tv shows and movies you learn what model of “happiness” you should buy when your wage lands into your account. Should I mention the parties in the week-end and the way you kill your time instead of taking advance on it? I will stop now, but you should answer to my question: do you really think this is enough to be happy? If your answer is Yes then stop complaining that life is unfair and that the day is too short or that happiness is impossible to reach! Why? Because, in my opinion, you need to work for your happiness, you have to know what you need in life and what fills you in, you need to find your dream, a realistic one (be careful with your Ego) and to follow it. You need to take action and to build your life the way you feel to do it.
From my point of view any of us came on this World with a certain gift and any of us contributes to something in this World, we just need to allow ourselves to find it. I just love Picasso’s quote: “The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.” Think about this!
A half a year ago I start to read Viktor Frankl’s book: “Man’s search for meaning”. I have to say that definitely changed my life by the simplicity of his words and the way you can change your life by finding your meaning in life. I honestly recommend you to read the book, it will change your life too! How you can find your meaning in life? By allowing yourself to remember what really makes you happy, or which was your biggest dream before you started to lose your hope, or before somebody maybe helped you lose it. Please just do that, even if it sounds impossible or crazy!
What you expect from happiness? How do you picture it? If you expect being euphoric every half an hour, than you might be having unreal expectations and now you might understand why you are not happy.
Happiness is accepting that life has ups and downs, accepting that you have to overcome even the stormiest moments of your life. Happiness means enjoying every moment of your life, putting love and passion in everything you do. Happiness is waking up smiling because you know you have a dream that must come true and going to sleep happy because you did your best for that day, doesn’t matter if it was good or bad. Happiness means to not give up, no matter what! But the most important of it is to share with others from your happiness. Happiness means to believe in you and others, to have faith. Happiness means to believe that your dream will come true, even if you don’t know the date and even if it sounds like optimistic thinking. But most of all, happiness is accepting your weaknesses, seeing in yourself what you could be, what you could become and to start working for that! Happiness means to love yourself, to love others, to love the life!
I wish you Happiness!