I love the night! I just enjoy the silence, the rain and the sound of my old friend: the clock. He reminds me that the time is the only that separates us from infinity, it might be also the one which wakes us up from eternal dreaming…
Tonight I’m not alone, I’m just sitting in front of somebody, we stare at each other for long time without saying a word. I break the silence and looking in the other person’s eyes I just ask: “What’s wrong?”.
She’s playing with her hands looking down shy, I can see her beauty, I can feel her pain. Did you noticed that when people are sad they tend to be more beautiful than they actually are?
“I just feel empty” she answers still looking down. “You know, I have everything, I had everything and everything goes just perfect. Sometimes I’m so busy thinking on what I’m going to do later, wanting to do everything fast and perfect, blaming myself that I’m not even close to perfection and I realize that my time just flies and even if I accomplished everything at the end of the day, I still feel empty and lonely. Sometimes I just watch tv for hours or listen music, even cleaning the clean house to not feel like this anymore. Sometimes I call desperately my friends to go out, I change the furniture, I change the jobs, even the friends, hoping for a better life.”
My heart stopped for a second and I could swear I felt the same someday, when thinking that if I change everything around me I could stop my workaholic friend: the inner voice, of reminding me that everything is not as it seems to be.
“You know, I think I need to fall in love!” she said smiling between tears. “No, actually I’m afraid to fall in love. How I’m gonna manage everything? I don’t even have enough time for myself…” she continued smiling sadly. “I envy the people with happy families, happy jobs, happy everything and I just wonder myself how they manage everything so easy while I’m struggling for perfection and at the end of the night I can’t even sleep. All I want is just a normal life!”
I take her hand and looking at her I try to give my best even if the doubt knocks at my door and my restless friend: the mind, it’s about to kick me:
“There is no happy everything, there is nobody perfect, there is no perfect timing, there is no perfect job, there are no perfect friends or perfect love, there is no perfect day, there is no perfection! This is the beauty of the life! We can’t live hoping for perfection, thinking to do everything fast and “perfect”!
Life is not an equation, you can’t calculate every step to get the result!
When was the last time when you stopped from your marathon and you just looked around you? Do you still see the faces of the people around you or you just call them “people” and run faster? When did you stopped the last time and looked at the sky? When did you looked at the dance of the waves? Did you ever saw it? What about the trees and the birds? This is perfection, not killing yourself running!
I felt empty too and I still feel sometimes, when I forget to stop from running and not just that I look around and see the beauty, I look inside myself to see why I’m not feeling at peace and I try to find if I wasn’t aiming too high, checking if my expectations are not too big. I always have a dream, a wish, a target to carry out, but I try to live the present too. I listen my mind when it has something to say, but never believe it and never trust it completely because there is nothing you can predict and sometimes is not everything about thinking and calculating, it’s about feeling too. It’s enough to just listen your mind without take it personally, without judging, trust me!”
I close the terrace door, I take her hand and even if she starts to vanish we both go to sleep. I take her with me knowing that tomorrow she might be stronger and she’s gonna try to defeat me again.