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You bite out of my carotid
You’re ripping my flesh out.
The blood spouts into a powerful jet
You’re spitting the meat on the floor
And ruthlessly you bite me again.
Blood jets draw frenetic
Forbearance dissimulated in bravery,
Atrocious restrained pain.
I can hear sizzling of the salt on the open wound,
I can feel the clenching of the muscles,
But I do not feel pain.
You’re ripping my flesh out until you get to the bone.
With my fingernails I draw symbols on the scorched walls,
Witnesses of impotence and shattered dreams.
I’m screeching with my broken nails on the bare brick.
I’m breaking a piece of my hanging flesh
And limping in the dark I’m heading
To the dusty mirror.
What do I see?
You’re biting and I’m biting.
You’re ripping my flesh out and I’m ripping my flesh out.
With the latest powers I broke the mirror,
In the splinters
I see fragments of what would it have been…
Tired spider’s webs hang on my face.
I’m hugging my knees next to the chest
And I’m crooning a song known just by myself.
Where do the arrows poisoned with hatred lead?
You’re biting and I’m biting.
You’re ripping my flesh out and I’m ripping my flesh out.
Like a boomerang.
I’ve danced with the sadness
Hand in hand, then she pulled me closer
I’ve rested my head on her shoulder
Crooning our sad, powerful song…
Gazing at the moon
She seemed scribbled by an unsure hand
Even the waves seemed to sound wrongfully
I’ve closed my eyes, our dance became chaotic
And the wind was burning my cheeks.
A cricket’s song disturbed the moment
Bringing back some dusted memories
How can you love if you’re blindfolded
And how can you trust if you don’t love?
Blindfolded by ego and ideals
We travel losing the beauty
Her magic, her lack of opulence
Ending up dancing with the enemy
Fed by our petrified hearts…
I’ve stripped you off my skin
And looking at you furtively
I’ve dropped you naked on the floor,
Giving up on us.
Looking in the mirror
I saw myself impoverished.
My dark circles were shouting at me,
My hair was covering a part of my face
And half of hyaenic smile.
I’m not crazy,
Just that your absence is hurting
More than your presence itself.
I dig my nails into your flesh,
Wanting to stop you
And I start to cry even if
You are the one suffering…
I love the night! I just enjoy the silence, the rain and the sound of my old friend: the clock. He reminds me that the time is the only that separates us from infinity, it might be also the one which wakes us up from eternal dreaming…
Tonight I’m not alone, I’m just sitting in front of somebody, we stare at each other for long time without saying a word. I break the silence and looking in the other person’s eyes I just ask: “What’s wrong?”.
She’s playing with her hands looking down shy, I can see her beauty, I can feel her pain. Did you noticed that when people are sad they tend to be more beautiful than they actually are?
“I just feel empty” she answers still looking down. “You know, I have everything, I had everything and everything goes just perfect. Sometimes I’m so busy thinking on what I’m going to do later, wanting to do everything fast and perfect, blaming myself that I’m not even close to perfection and I realize that my time just flies and even if I accomplished everything at the end of the day, I still feel empty and lonely. Sometimes I just watch tv for hours or listen music, even cleaning the clean house to not feel like this anymore. Sometimes I call desperately my friends to go out, I change the furniture, I change the jobs, even the friends, hoping for a better life.”
My heart stopped for a second and I could swear I felt the same someday, when thinking that if I change everything around me I could stop my workaholic friend: the inner voice, of reminding me that everything is not as it seems to be.
“You know, I think I need to fall in love!” she said smiling between tears. “No, actually I’m afraid to fall in love. How I’m gonna manage everything? I don’t even have enough time for myself…” she continued smiling sadly. “I envy the people with happy families, happy jobs, happy everything and I just wonder myself how they manage everything so easy while I’m struggling for perfection and at the end of the night I can’t even sleep. All I want is just a normal life!”
I take her hand and looking at her I try to give my best even if the doubt knocks at my door and my restless friend: the mind, it’s about to kick me:
“There is no happy everything, there is nobody perfect, there is no perfect timing, there is no perfect job, there are no perfect friends or perfect love, there is no perfect day, there is no perfection! This is the beauty of the life! We can’t live hoping for perfection, thinking to do everything fast and “perfect”!
Life is not an equation, you can’t calculate every step to get the result!
When was the last time when you stopped from your marathon and you just looked around you? Do you still see the faces of the people around you or you just call them “people” and run faster? When did you stopped the last time and looked at the sky? When did you looked at the dance of the waves? Did you ever saw it? What about the trees and the birds? This is perfection, not killing yourself running!
I felt empty too and I still feel sometimes, when I forget to stop from running and not just that I look around and see the beauty, I look inside myself to see why I’m not feeling at peace and I try to find if I wasn’t aiming too high, checking if my expectations are not too big. I always have a dream, a wish, a target to carry out, but I try to live the present too. I listen my mind when it has something to say, but never believe it and never trust it completely because there is nothing you can predict and sometimes is not everything about thinking and calculating, it’s about feeling too. It’s enough to just listen your mind without take it personally, without judging, trust me!”
I close the terrace door, I take her hand and even if she starts to vanish we both go to sleep. I take her with me knowing that tomorrow she might be stronger and she’s gonna try to defeat me again.
Who are you? Yes! You, the one you are reading now. I want to know who are you! I don’t want to know your name or your profession or your titles, I want to know who are you. The real you! I invite you in “The World of no masks required”, I want you to accept the challenge of taking off all your masks and starting to know yourself today. I want you to meet the real you! I want you to present me your qualities, your weaknesses, your fears, your dreams, your scars, you..
Most of the times I just hear people speaking about unhappy relationships and they are wondering: why doesn’t work like in the beginning or why that person changed so much? Why? Well, the answer is: what type of mask did they wore when they met that person? Did the person changed or one of their masks felt down and the partner just had the surprise of seeing another person, not the one they expected to see. It sounds familiar? Did you ever think about this? No? Then tell me: what kind of mask do you wear when you ask for a raise of your salary or what type of mask do you put when you ask for a favor or what mask do you wear when somebody hurts you and you can not afford to tell him (her) off and for a change you just smile and pretend everything is fine? You understand now? Why do we wear masks?
Everybody knows Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and his pyramid. He divides the individual needs into five categories and to reach the higher-levels you need to master the basic ones, it doesn’t work the other way around. These are the categories:
- Physiological: breathing, food, water, sleep, homeostasis, sex, excretion
- Safety: security of: body, employment, resources, morality, the family, health, property
- Love (belonging): friendship, family, sexual intimacy
- Esteem: self-esteem, confidence, achievement, respect of others, respect by others
- Self actualization: morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem solving, lack of prejudice, acceptance of facts
Now you might wonder what Maslow is doing here, when we speak about you, in top of that: you unmasked… We are all wearing masks, every day, every half an hour, depends on the situation and our schedule for that day. I mentioned Maslow’s pyramid to explain that we tend to use masks on the second and third level. How? We need a job in order to have a normal life and how we are keeping our job? We agree to wear the masks imposed by the employer, maybe in the beginning just because we need the money and then we continue by wearing them to not lose our jobs. Then we have a strong need of belonging to something, to somebody, to a group, and what we are doing? We wear again masks just to feel we are not alone. You meet a new person and you fall in love, that person tells you that loves ravioli and you want to impress her. What you are doing? You learn how to cook ravioli or you buy them and you pretend that you cooked, in top of that you say that you are an expert in Italian cuisine. What’s next? I let you continue the story…
What’s wrong on wearing masks? After a while is not fun anymore and you start to experience the “secondary effects”: stress, feeling guilty, depression, sadness, you are in a funny mood when you need to go to work, you are feeling trapped sometimes, you realize you have unhappy or unhealthy relationships, your “friends” are turning their back to you, you feel that you don’t recognize yourself anymore and so on. You start to lose your identity, you don’t know who you are anymore…
And what’s the solution? Quit your job and change your friends! I’m joking 🙂 From my point of view you should think about what you like, what talents do you have and what you would really like to do for living and to try to become an expert in what you choose. You also should try to remember that is never to late for doing what you like in life, as long you add some passion and some dedication. Also, you need to focus on what you choose to do and to try to perfect yourself before you think about money. I’m not saying that money is not important, I’m just saying that you should focus on being the best and money it will come eventually. You don’t need to quit your job tomorrow, you just need to find out what you like and start building bit by bit until you can survive from what you choose to do.
You also need to spend more time with yourself, to discover yourself without the masks imposed by society. You need to find out who you really are and what type of persons would you like to have around and to start to searching for persons similar to you. We need to learn to act natural again, without caring what other people might think or that we might lose somebody’s “friendship”. In order to have healthy relationships we need to learn the assertive communication, we need to learn to express our wishes and to respect the other’s people choices too. We can’t change the World and the “need” of wearing masks until we lose our identity, but we can change our little World and we can choose to be free!
I wish you a happy unmasking!